Q. My 80 year-only mother, Elizabeth, was living in our house for ten years, until her arthritis and Parkinson's disease got progressively worse. According to her doctor, she was also in the beginning stages of dementia. She was having trouble walking, remembering simple things like putting stamps on her mail, and performing day-to-day tasks, such as bathing.
When it seemed that the time was right to look into nursing home facilities for her, I used the "Nursing Home Evaluation Tool" in your Nursing Home Survival Guide. It was helpful in finding a place that seemed right for mom. Even though it seems we found the right place and she has a Lifestyle Care Plan in place, I still worry about a lot. She doesn't tell me much, probably because she doesn't remember. What if she is not getting the care she needs, or if she doesn't feels safe? How can I ensure that her needs are being met?
A. Having your mother, or any close loved one, in a nursing home can be an emotional experience. You want to make sure she is being given the care that was promised and that she deserves.
How do you ensure that this is happening? I suggest that you start with your mother, who will most likely be your best source of information. Ask the questions you would want to be asked if the roles were reversed. These could include:
- Are you comfortable?
- Do you feel safe?
- Do you feel respected?
- Is anything worrying you?
- Do you like the staff--and any staff member in particular?
- If you need help and you push the call button, how long before somebody comes?
- Have you gotten to know any of the other residents?
Show interest and concern and identify major problems, but try to avoid turning every visit into an interrogation. You will be able to determine if there are areas of concern in normal, everyday conversation.
Some questions will be better directed at staff members, particularly since your mother is in the early stages of dementia. Do your mother's nurses see any signs of depression? Does she appear to be making the transition smoothly? If not, what is being done to help her? You can use the following questions as a starting point:
- When is she awake?
- Are her meals appropriately prepared, e.g., soft or pureed food if she has trouble chewing?
- Is she taking medications when and as often as needed? (The timing of each medication should be documented.) If there's been a consistent problem, how is that being addressed?
- Is there a reason to change any medications?
- Is she exercising or participating in other physical activities?
- Is she social?
Do you have a loved one who is in a nursing home or nearing the need for nursing home care? Or are you simply looking to plan ahead in the event nursing home care is needed in the future? Nursing homes in Northern Virginia cost $12-$14K per month. Life Care Planning and Medicaid Asset Protection is the process of protecting assets from having to be spent down in connection with entry into a nursing home, while also helping ensure that you or your loved one get the best possible care and maintain the highest possible quality of life, whether at home, in an assisted living facility, or in a nursing home. Learn more at The Fairfax Elder Law Firm of Evan H. Farr, P.C. website. Call 703-691-1888 to make an appointment for a no-cost consultation.
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Today is the Official Release Date for Evan's newest book -- How to Protect Your Assets From Probate PLUS Lawsuits PLUS Nursing Home Expenses with the Living Trust Plus(TM), which is already an Amazon #1 Bestseller! Buy this new book TODAY and you'll get $1,250 in bonuses including:
- Free copy of Evan Farr's other book released this year: the Nursing Home Survival Guide;
- Free 45-page Special Report: Legal Research Behind the Living Trust Plus(TM);
- Two $500 Gift Certificates towards legal services from the Farr Law Firm (one for you and one to give away).
This special one-time offer is valid TODAY only. Once purchased, simply email your Amazon.com receipt to renee@farrlawfirm.com. Please allow 1-2 weeks to receive bonuses.
Dear Baxter,
I am an 18 year old who will be a senior in high school in the fall. Grandma Adelaide lives in our guest room and she has dementia. I love her dearly, but she can sometimes be very difficult and have outbursts. What is the best way to communicate with her?
Thanks for the advice,
Ivan Tuco-Munikate
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Dear Ivan,
Caring for a loved one with dementia can be ruff. People with dementia have a progressive brain disorder that makes it more and more difficult for them to remember things, think clearly, communicate with others, or take care of themselves. In addition, dementia can cause mood swings and even change a person's personality and behavior.
Good communication skills and special techniques will enhance your ability to get through to your grandmother and handle any difficult behavior you may encounter (see tips below).
- Identify yourself by name and relation, and use nonverbal cues and touch to help keep them focused.
- Use facial expressions, tone of voice and physical touch to help convey your message and show your feelings of affection.
- Speak slowly, distinctly and in a reassuring tone.
- Ask one question at a time; those with yes or no answers work best. If choices need to be made about something, visual prompts and cues also help clarify your question and can guide the response.
- Be patient in waiting for your grandmother's reply. If she is struggling for an answer, it's okay to suggest words. Watch for nonverbal cues and body language, and respond appropriately.
- Remembering the past is often a soothing and affirming activity. Many people with dementia may not remember what happened 45 minutes ago, but they can clearly recall their lives 45 years earlier. Take out some of those old photo albums from when you were young.
- When she becomes upset, try changing the subject or the environment.
Respond with affection and reassurance. People with dementia often get reality confused and may recall things that never really occurred. Be sure to reassure them with praise and by taking their hand and physically reaching out.
- Maintain your sense of humor. People with dementia tend to retain their social skills and are usually delighted to laugh along with you.
At The Fairfax Elder Law Firm of Evan H. Farr, P.C., we are dedicated to easing the financial and emotional burden on those suffering from dementia and their loved ones. We can help your parents and grandmother prepare for their future financial and long-term care needs. We help protect the family's hard-earned assets while maintaining your loved one's comfort, dignity, and quality of life by ensuring eligibility for critical government benefits. Please suggest that they call 703-691-1888 to make an appointment for a free consultation.
Arf Arf,
Baxter
About Baxter:
Baxter is a 2-year old terrier mix (mutt)
that belongs to Justin Cohee and his girlfriend Ashley. He was
originally a stray, but was found by a family in Frederick, Maryland who
brought him to the local animal shelter. He loves attention and has a
lot of energy and can jump up to Justin's nose (Justin is 6'4). He loves
to go on runs and hikes as well. Despite his energy, he is a cuddler
and frequent napper, often to the discomfort of others. At night he
either sleeps at Justin's feet or climbs atop a mountain of pillows and
makes a nest where he eventually rests with his paws on Justin's face.
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